Whether you’re in a relationship (long-term or new) or you’re doing the dating thing, your sex life can always be improved and today I’m diving into some important areas around sex that maybe you hadn’t given much thought to…
Please note: At times, this article was written from my own female perspective and other times I have researched things thoroughly. You can find some juicy and at times raw (but always real) wisdom from the following paragraphs so get ready to dive in deep!
Tip #1 – Be Completely Ok with Your Nakedness
This is probably the biggest factor for having an incredible sex life! Why? Because we need to have complete love and acceptance for ourSELVES (this includes our body). 🙂
How can we expect another person to be in awe of us if we are don’t love our own body? If we always hide it and say bad things about it? If we are too scared of the light and our partner seeing us nude? These things can have such a negative impact on our ability to even feel sexy!
This can often be the most challenging for a woman and especially as we age (we notice changes in our 30’s begin to start but this can happen sooner of course!). We see more cellulite, stretch marks, wobbly bits, flabby skin, veins and weight gain. Having children can have a big effect on our bodies too.
Learning self-love and complete acceptance for self is a journey, It’s not going to happen overnight that’s for sure! But with awareness and regular practices we can shift our self-beliefs and boost confidence, self-esteem and thus increasing our sexiness.
Start as soon as possible (before bed when everyone’s asleep or early morning) and in front of a full length mirror wearing nothing but your birthday suit. Stand in front of the mirror (you could do before showering?) and look at your beautiful body. Try to refrain from judgement as this can be a negative spiral. Instead, focus on the parts of you that you really appreciate. It could be your eyes, your arms, your belly, your hands, your chest, your face or whatever.
Look at the pure perfection of your body, the way it holds in all of your organs, the feet that carry you through life, the hands that give you so much purpose. When we have appreciation for our body’s as a vessel rather than an object of affection, we can find more peace within. I know myself I have spent decades hating on my body and all that did was make me miserable. Now instead I am learning to love and even adore it for everything it is and everything it does for me. This confidence really does transfer over to the bedroom!
Say to yourself: “I love and accept myself, I love my beautiful body, my body is a freakin’ MIRACLE”!! ❤️
Tip #2 – Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
This cannot be emphasised enough! I just want to add in, it’s not really your fault that you compare yourself to others, we’ve been taught our whole lives to compete against others and be the “best”. I have been through this roller coaster too and I am learning to let this go because just like not liking our body/appearance, it is a recipe for a big fat bowl of misery! 🙁 You are so beyond that. You have to know how valued you are, how loved you are and how gorgeous you are.
There’s a wise old saying and I’m sure you’ve heard it before… “Comparison is the thief of joy” so next time you compare yourself in any way to another, be mindful and stop yourself from fully going there. Don’t let that thought steal away the joy that you deserve. Your soul is here to feel joy so enJOY your life, your journey and who you are.
When we are sure of ourselves and appreciate our own lives, this sense of confidence will certainly radiate and this radiance is so alluring to our partner. This will surely improve your sexy time 😉
Tip #3 – Know Yourself
How can we ask for someone else to truly know us (sexually) if we do not know ourselves and by this, I mean knowing and understanding our bodies intimately, knowing what turns us on and what turns us off and effectively communicating this to our lover.
As a whole, we’ve been shamed into thinking self-pleasure is ‘wrong’, ‘dirty’ or ‘shameful’ but nothing could be further from the truth and nothing is more natural than knowing yourself in this way. It is after all, your body!!!
Make getting to know your body well a top priority and empower yourself by getting familiar with all of your equipment (for that of a better word?) Ha!
Schedule alone time where possible and if you have kids, get someone to babysit them. Making time to intimately know yourself is absolutely crucial to an incredible sex life.
Tip #4 – Practice the Art of Sensuality
Sensuality is often referred more to women but men can be sensual creatures too!
In my humble opinion, I think a man who’s in touch with his sensual side is an evolved being. It’s not about being egotistical but rather it’s about being connected to life and joy, isn’t that why we are all here??
A bloke who can rock his sensuality is often more self-assured and confident without any arrogance or ego whatsoever. A guy like this doesn’t care too much for the approval of others for he knows himself deeply and has no shame in being himself. He is better able to show up in the world and therefore can be a better lover, husband, partner, friend, father, son, business man, worker, boss etc..
This really applies to women as well. Women may enjoy different sensual pleasures but a woman who is in touch with her sensual/feminine side is also of better service to all because she knows how to create pleasure in her world.
But what does being ‘sensual’ really mean?
The word sensual means something that is physically pleasing and it’s often used in a sexual context but it’s not exclusively sexual in meaning. Basically anything that makes you feel good can be a sensual experience. Things that can be sensual can include; eating a piece of chocolate (maybe that’s why people use chocolate on Valentine’s day and in the bedroom), chocolate is seen as romantic but also very enjoyable! (who doesn’t like to receive a box of chocolates??).
Other things that can be seen as sensual are; having a massage (or giving one), wearing perfume, wearing soft fabrics on your skin, lighting candles, buying flowers for yourself or receiving them, diffusing essential oils, eating a beautiful meal, taking a warm bath, dancing, walking on the beach barefoot while the sun goes down, feeling the soft sand between your toes, cuddling/snuggling and of course kissing!
Sensuality can also include; dressing well (pride in one’s appearance), personal grooming and cleanliness, scratching or tickling your mate, holding hands and direct eye contact (eye gazing). For me personally, eye gazing is a huge turn on! There is nothing sexier or more sensual that feeling that deep connection with your lover.
Eye gazing goes a long way in the bedroom! ♥
Tip #5 – Have a Sex Detox
You heard me correctly. Having a clearly communicated intention to abstain from sex for a decent period of time can actually be amazing for your sexual energy and therefore sex life! When you know you can’t have something, it makes you want it even more!
This is especially so for couples who’ve been together for awhile or a long time. Abstaining can build anticipation and excitement and it really does build sexual energy but just be sure not to self-pleasure during this abstaining period or you will decrease this energy.
Tip #6 – Invite Adventure In
By being adventurous together outside of the bedroom, you can add spice and an even deeper connection inside the bedroom. This is because neuro-chemicals such as dopamine are produced when we act in daring ways. The exhilarating feelings can carry over and add an element of fun!
Tip #7 – Speak Up
Don’t be afraid to tell your lover what you do and don’t like/enjoy regarding foreplay and sex. Express to them how you like to be touched (this is why TIP#3 is so crucial!) and kissed. The best way is to practice and this is all part of the fun. Keep in mind that it is always about fun and don’t put too much pressure on yourself or on the other (pressure is a HUGE turn off!).
When you’re together and they’re touching you, give them positive feedback by communicating through sounds or words. If something doesn’t feel good or is painful or uncomfortable, don’t ever be afraid to tell your mate, they often won’t be aware and they’re not mind-readers (we sometimes expect them to be but they aren’t!). The last thing your lover would ever want is to hurt you and if they do then you should run for the hills!
We often get so worried about offending the other or we don’t want to seem needy or demanding. Trust me, the best thing you can do is honour yourself and your relationship by speaking up and being authentic. Too many marriages often end unnecessarily because people don’t tell their lover how they like to make love, be touched and kissed.
Don’t be a statistic, find your voice and speak up. Believe in yourself and believe in your mate.
Tip #8 – De-stress
Ok, so we all know that stress affects just about every area of our health and lives and in this tip I will cover how stress affects both women and men.
When women are stressed, our sex life can suffer, that’s because of certain hormones that get off-balance. They get out of whack due to higher cortisol levels in the body (cortisol is the hormone that gets us up in the morning and allows us to get shit done but when we stress we produce more than we should), these high levels have a negative impact on our moods, our weight, our sexual desire.
This is because progesterone is reduced and oestrogen is increased. Higher oestrogen is not only responsible for the things previously mentioned but also sore/swollen breasts, breast changes, irregular/heavy periods, mood swings, lower libido (both mentioned above), headaches, thinning hair, poor memory, insomnia and exhaustion.
When men are stressed, testosterone levels are diminished almost instantly! When testosterone is reduced, oestrogen can rise, leading to belly fat/weight gain, neediness and reduced sex drive.
While it’s virtually impossible to live completely stress-free in this busy and often demanding world, we can do things to help reduce it, thus helping to keep our hormones (and sex life) happier!
- Learn to say no (this is VITAL for reducing stress and increasing happiness)
- Take things off your plate (free up your to-do list)
- Be realistic with your time and don’t over plan/overfill your days
- Exercise regularly (our body loves to move and this helps reduce stress and overwhelm)
- Take more time out for you, you deserve it. Take the time to do the things that light you up and fulfill you
- Meditate often (daily is best but do what you can). If you’ve not done this before please don’t be intimidated by the process, there are plenty of great guided meditations on Youtube, so plug in your headphones, find a quiet space and allow your body and mind to melt away…
- STOP putting everyone else’s needs and happiness before your own! (us women are especially notorious for putting others above ourselves). Remember you’re important too!
- Eat a healthy, whole nutritious diet of as much organic and less-processed foods that nourish rather than stress your body
- Enjoy your job if possible or choose a career path you love. Our job takes up a lot of our time so it’s important to do something you enjoy rather than taking on a high-stress job that makes you a tonne of money but the sacrifice is your health and happiness. Often, high-paying jobs come with a high level of stress.
- If you’re in financial stress, perhaps get some professional advice? The best thing I ever did to get out of debt a few years ago and get ahead to start my business was to get really honest about my money and my values. I worked out exactly what I need/want to spend money on and then I created a stack of sub-accounts to distribute my income each week, according to my highest values, and responsibilities. Also, you need to cultivate a healthy relationship with money and shift any negative beliefs you may be holding onto. I highly recommend EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) to help clear these negative beliefs or self-sabotaging ways of being. Check out Brad Yates on YouTube).
Tip #9 – Shake Things Up!
Shake up your routine to spice things up in your life and your bedroom. Do something different, change up your schedule, be spontaneous and adventurous! Be adventurous with your love-making and do it in public somewhere, the thrill of getting caught is VERY hot!
Tip #10 – Turn to Nature
Nature isn't silly and she often has the answers to the questions we seek. Sometimes they come in the form of herbs, roots, bark, fungi and flowers.
Something found in nature that’s been having HUGE results for people’s sex drive is a fungi product (supplement) known as cordyceps sinensis. Cordyceps is part of the medicinal mushroom family and it has been used in Traditional Chinese Medicine for over 1000 years.
Because the hormone testosterone is crucial in stimulating sex (for both male and female) and we know that stress affects testosterone and other hormones, it’s important to talk about how a supplement such as cordyceps can play a vital role in revamping libido…
Before we get into that, I just want to elaborate a little further about testosterone. This hormone is key for men’s arousal and may even be necessary for women going through menopause. It’s crucial for muscle growth in both sexes. Testosterone is needed for arousal, desire and orgasm in women.
If a woman is deficient in testosterone, this may affect her reproductive health also so it’s sure to say she must try to keep her hormones balanced as much as possible by keeping stress down and looking after herself.
Back to cordyceps…
Cordyceps can have a powerful effect on testosterone in men especially! Studies suggest that cordyceps stimulates the Leydig cells in the testes (this is what boosts testosterone). Taking a few simple capsules of cordyceps sinensis can have a profound effect on a person’s libido, thus leading to a more fulfilling sex life and life in general.
Disclaimer: this article is by no means health advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any ailment. Please always consult with your trusted health practitioner.