Why we lose our sex drive and how we can get it back
There are many reasons why people lose the desire to want to have sex and you can’t always take it personally. Today we will discuss some of the reasons why but most importantly how we can help to resolve them if possible.
Sex drive and Why we Lose it
Sex drive is the wanting or the desire to make love to another person. It’s the attraction to that person and wanting to connect at a deeper level and can actually be quite spiritual (but that’s another blog). When we are younger, we tend to have higher sex drives (especially guys, considering they reach their peak sex drive in their teens and twenties), but for women it’s usually thirties/forties when they feel more desire. Lots of factors come into play when we talk about sex drive and we will discuss some of the reasons why people lose interest.
If the only kind of movement you’ve been experiencing between the sheets lately, is your partner tossing and turning then you are one of the many. It is estimated that 20% of the male population and 33% of the female population are affected by low to no sex drive at all. That is huge!
So why do we lose it anyway?
I’m sure you can think of a few reasons right now that make you not wanna get horizontal with your mate and sometimes it can be a medical disorder such as hypoactive sexual desire disorder. Yep this is a real condition and something that affects 5-10% of the population. HSDD (hypoactive sexual desire disorder) is basically the lack of having sexual fantasies and desires full-stop. But there are obviously a tonne of other reasons for low libido, such as health issues like:
- Stress & Exhaustion
- Adrenal fatigue
- UTI’s (Urinary Tract Infections)
- Thrush/other genital issues
- Low testosterone in males
Other reasons for losing it
- New baby
- Lack of sleep/tiredness
- Lack of time or prioritisation
- Poor body image/low confidence
- Relationship issues
- Schedules don’t align
- Religious/moral beliefs
- Taking medications that interfere with sex drive (such as anti-depressants, some contraceptive pills, blood pressure med’s
Boost your libido now, how?
Now you’re probably sitting there thinking how on earth can you get back that ‘loving feeling’? (or at least have some enjoyment in your bedroom again), am I right? It can often be some of the simplest things that can have the most powerful effect. Such as:
- Speaking to each other about it and then deciding if you need to seek an expert opinion such as a doctor, naturopath or counsellor. Sometimes there are issues that can be resolved through talking about it in a safe, non-judgment environment with someone that understands human behaviour. Or if it’s a health issue it can be helpful to see a health practitioner to get to the bottom of the health issue so that you can work on feeling better.
- Live a healthy lifestyle. This kind of goes without saying but often we forget that the way we live has a big impact on the way that we feel physically, emotionally and mentally. This includes exercise, eating a fresh and balanced diet, watching alcohol and stress intake and quitting smoking. Exercise is especially important for sexual arousal because it gets the blood flowing to the genital area, thus helping to increase arousal.
- Turn off the telly. TV is such a drain on your energy and a total passion-killer! Wouldn’t it be better to turn on your partner than the TV? (much healthier too). There has also been suggested research to suggest that too much TV-watching can increase a man’s chance of erectile dysfunction.
- Laughter. You’ve probably heard the saying “laughter is the best medicine”? well it’s true on so many levels and can even work wonders for your sex-life. Next time you’re considering having a romantic night in, think about ditching it for a fun night out at a comedy show. Laughing together increases connection, feel good chemicals and can increase arousal.
- Limit alcohol intake full-stop. Alcohol acts a depressant to your nervous system, slowing you down and making us less energetic. It may lessen your inhibitions, but it may also make you more tired and therefore less likely to wanna get funky.
- Essential Oils. If you’re a guy reading this, you might think it sounds a bit girly but trust me on this one.. Essential oils are such powerful aphrodisiacs (just make sure to test out what scents your partner digs or it could have the opposite affect.) The following oils have been known to have powerful effects. Rose, jasmine, lavender, ylang ylang, clary sage, sandalwood, cumin and clove. Best avoid clary sage if trying to fall pregnant though.
Timing is everything
Pick a time when you’re both more relaxed, be open to being spontaneous and adventurous. Obviously there are times when it’s just not possible and that’s ok, just be willing to be flexible (no pun intended) with your schedule.
Take ‘Sexy’ Herbs
There are natural remedies for sure that can help to boost sex-drive and they are Rhodiola Rosea and Cordyceps. Firstly, Rhodiola can help enhance sexual function and has been known to improve satisfaction, pleasure, erections and response to orgasms. Some even say that Rhodiola has given them a new feeling of sexual energy. Women who have gone through menopause report less fatigue and that it helps to “dust away the cob webs”, Cordyceps can help with male erectile dysfunction, impotence and the release of testosterone. Cordyceps has been used to treat women with infertility issues.
So you see, sometimes the things that mother nature provides can actually be equally or if not more effective than taking prescription med’s but it is always best to seek medical advice if you are on medication and find out if the medications are contraindicated with these herbs.
Disclaimer: This information is not advice and these statements have not been evaluated by the Therapeutic Goods Administrations and are not intended to treat, diagnose, cure or prevent any disease.
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